Back to: Welcome!

Read the text and answer the questions below.

The Benefits of Small Talk

Can you believe this weather? First a major snowstorm, now unseasonable warmth. Have you seen yesterday’s match? Who do you root for? Nowadays, most of us prefer our digital device to talking with others in public spaces. With our eyes glued to our smartphones, fewer of us engage in small talk with people we don’t know well. But research suggests that we are missing out on something in this loss of idle chitchat.

In 2014, researchers found that daily interactions with casual acquaintances, like chatting with your regular barista at the coffee shop, can contribute to day-to-day well-being. They asked participants in their study to track their daily interactions with people connected to them by “strong ties” (family and friends) and “weak ties” (anyone else). On days when participants had more “weak tie” interactions than usual, they reported a greater sense of belonging and happiness. Another group of researchers looked at interactions among strangers. They recruited 118 commuters in Chicago and randomly assigned them one of three roles: to initiate a conversation on the train, to refrain from any conversation and enjoy the solitude or to do whatever they normally do on their commute. Those who engaged in conversations with strangers reported “significantly more positive” and “no less productive” commutes than those who rode in solitude.

“Talking with a stranger may not offer the same benefits as talking with a close friend, but we underestimate its importance to us,” says Nicholas Epley, a professor of behavioral science at the University of Chicago. Dr. Epley traded in his own smartphone for a less distracting featureless phone, which has made him, he says, more open to “wonderful, short conversations with strangers.”

Chitchat is also an important social lubricant, helping to build empathy and a sense of community. It is much harder to snap at a taxi driver for going the wrong way if you have just exchanged pleasantries. “Children learn empathy not just by how we treat those closest to us but also by how we acknowledge the strangers around us,” adds psychologist Richard Weissbourd of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. They “notice if we appreciate the server in a restaurant and say hello to the mail carrier—or if we treat them like they’re invisible.” Small talk, he notes, “can humanize others across the usual divides.”

In settings like parties or events, Dr. Epley recommends starting with the 10/5 rule taught to many hotel and hospitality employees: When you’re 10 feet away, make eye contact; at 5 feet away, say hello. One surefire strategy is to pay a compliment: “I like your bow tie!” People overestimate the social risks involved in small talk, says Dr. Epley: “Most people want to talk to you. Human beings are social animals.”

Read on to impress new acquaintances – and yourself – with your masterful conversation skills.

Demonstrate interest in your conversation partner

The best way to keep a conversation rolling is to show you care about what the other person has to say. “If you don’t fundamentally care about the person you are speaking with, that will show, and that may be the primary reason why you are running out of things to discuss,” Kai Peter Chang writes. That also means letting your conversation partner share information about himself or herself.

Ask open-ended questions

Instead of asking yes/no questions that lead to dead ends, encourage your conversation partner to share some more detail about his or her life. “In general, open-ended questions lead to more conversational paths,” Craig Weiland says. For example, instead of asking a fellow party guest, “Are you here with your family?” you might ask, “What is the reason of your visit?”

Read the news

In the days leading up to a social function, take time to peruse the news, “including the sections that don’t really interest you,” Mark Simchock writes. That way, if a conversation should come to an abrupt halt, you can fill the silence with, “Did you hear about …”

Practice the FORM technique

• Family: Do you have kids? Where is your family from? How long have you lived around here?
• Occupation: What do you do for a living? What is that like?
• Recreation: What do you do for fun? How long have you been involved in …?
• Money: What happened with the price of gas?

Practice with everyone you meet

Whether the doorman at work or a fellow passenger on the train, try your hand at small talk with everyone, Rohan Sinha says. Eventually, you’ll start feeling more comfortable striking up and maintaining interesting conversations.

Use the ARE format

• Anchor: Find something you two have in common right now. For example, “This cocktail is really fancy – what’s in it?”
• Reveal: Share something personal with the other person. For example, “I tried a similar cocktail at a beach bar in Malibu last year and it blew me away.”
• Encourage: Invite them to share something personal. For example: “I can see it in your eyes that you hate cocktails. You are more of a whiskey drinker, aren’t you?”

Ask a better version of, ‘What do you do?’

In a 2013 blog post, best-selling author Gretchen Rubin suggests asking people you meet, “What’s keeping you busy these days?” Rubin writes: “It’s useful because it allows people to choose their focus (work, volunteer, family, hobby) – preferable to the inevitable question: ‘What do you do?'”

There’s nothing small about the role that small talk plays in North-American professional culture. People from other countries are often surprised at how important small talk is in the U.S. and Canada and how naturally and comfortably people seem to do it – with peers, subordinates, men, women, and even with superiors. In many cultures, it can also be particularly inappropriate to make small talk with strangers or to share any personal information with someone you don’t know. North America may be one of the only places in the world where it’s common to strike up a personal conversation with a complete stranger.

You can be the most technically skilled worker in the world, but your ability to progress in your job and move up the corporate ladder is highly dependent on your ability to build and maintain positive relationships with people at work. And guess what skill is critical for building and maintaining these relationships? Small talk. So the next time someone asks you, “How’s it going?” or “What do you think of the weather?” don’t think of it as an imposition. See it as an opportunity!